I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Randomize
