Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
