Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
