They should really pass out barf bags in church
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
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