Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Randomize
