I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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