I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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