How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
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