That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
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