I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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