conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
