she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
Randomize
