when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Randomize
