These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize
