operation harelip BJ is a go
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I need a beard to bite.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
