where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
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