you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
don't judge my taste in strippers
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
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