Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I feel like a drive thru vagina
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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