the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
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