the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Randomize
