A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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