I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
im about as happy as oj after his trial
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
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