my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
Randomize
