I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
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