First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Randomize
