She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
