i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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