thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
