I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
