There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
did i walk over a car last night?
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
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