In the future we'll all be gay
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
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