I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
I supernannyed him into submission
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Randomize
