Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
