She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Randomize
