I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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