If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
This is my gift to your gina
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
