In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
