Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
