I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Randomize
