I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Randomize
