suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
