Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
Randomize
