K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
