I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Randomize
