Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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