i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
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