Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
