i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
I murdered the dance floor call the cops
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Randomize
