I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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