did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
apparently the secret to your success is patron
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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