we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
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